Friday, June 17, 2016

I'm Addicted To The Way I Feel When I Think Of You




We have a new secretary at our office. The lawyer who hired me hired her, and she's very nice. But she sits right outside my office, which is both good and bad. It's good because she's talkative and friendly, and when I'm able to conquer my anxiety and talk to her it gives me an excuse to not take/make collection calls. But it's also bad because part of the reason why she's so eager to chat is because our office is too quiet and it bothers her. And that guilts me into doing my job :/

I took the day off work today, to attend my daughter's Kindergarten class for a parents-only performance. We sat in tiny metal chairs while the kids stood and sang/shouted songs they learned. It was cute. The teacher then played a seven-minute video of pictures from the school year, framed with beachy backgrounds and inspirational slogans, set to some saaaad country music that made all the moms cry. Especially my daughter's mom.

There was quite a junk food spread in the classroom. Chocolate chip cookies and Oreos and Pringles and string cheese and little mini cupcakes. And since I didn't know anybody there except one dad who I've met maybe twice, there was nothing for me to do after the show except eat. And sweat my ass off in the hot classroom. And try not to get trampled by two dozen wound-up little monsters.




I got home around 11am and took a two hour nap because I got very little sleep last night. Somewhere around 2am I got up to use the bathroom and, in my semi-conscious state, I heard an airplane fly by loud and clear. Too loud and too clear for my liking. And I was overcome with this sense of dread that the plane would crash somewhere nearby; I had a clear vision of this when I returned to my bed, complete with a blinding flash illuminating my window. Couldn't sleep much after that.

Napping has become a favorite pastime of mine. It alleviates my stress and keeps me from eating, but it has also become necessary. I often have trouble falling asleep at night, and since I'm poor (and wifey has a dismissive attitude toward prescription pills) the only thing that's helped me sleep over the past two years is clutching my pillow and dreaming of My Favorite Girl in The Whole Wide World.

But, as I mentioned here, I no longer feel the urge to follow her. And I haven't checked her page in over four months. The second greatest crush of my life is finally coming to an end. My plan to flood all my free time with sports cards and video games has succeeded. Except...


There's a lull in my sports cycle at the moment. Hockey season has mercifully ended, basketball season will end this weekend, and I'm still waiting on my two biggest sports card orders. The next seven to ten days will be slow and uneventful. I've thought about starting a second blog and posting all my random thoughts about sports and sports trading cards, but I doubt I'll follow through because I always have more ideas than time, and the sports/cards blogs I've seen never have more than one or two commenters.


And so there remains an empty space in my heart, a gentle hum that becomes a loud cry when I try to sleep. I do not know what to do about this, but I know that I can't let the emptiness consume me like it did all of last year and into this spring. I am finally better now, if only slightly. I can't go back to crushing on my old crush, and it would be practically suicidal to start a new one.

I need another hobby....


My mom wants to buy me an exercise bike because she is a lot more worried about my health than I am. This will likely be in lieu of the cash prize she originally proposed, as I cant well accept a free bike and a hundred bucks (or more). I am completely confident that, once ordered, the bike will remain in the box, unassembled, next to the flat screen TV she bought us last October. Who's got time to open and assemble things? Not i.


Father's Day is this weekend, which means I will be at the in-laws all day Sunday. How is that different from any other Sunday, you ask? Well, most Sundays I at least have the option of staying home. Can't exactly do that this time, not when my Father-in-law does so much for us. (If the TV and exercise bike are ever getting installed, he'll be the one to do it. He put together the TV cart we bought at Ikea two months ago.)

I told wifey that I don't expect to get any gifts for Father's Day, but if she's feeling generous I do need new computer speakers, so I can hear Minecraft and YouTube and Fall Out Boy.






And I really want to hear Taryn discuss vital social issues n' stuff with her alter ego:




doze legs doe


That's all I got for now. Hope y'all have a great weekend!



~

11 comments:

  1. Congrats on the kindergarten success, sounds like a blast. Bahaha. No, kids are cute. Cute as hell. Just maybe they should perform cool stuff. Not stuff a child clearly shouldn't do in front of an audience. Like violin or sing. Just sayin.
    I'd die making phone calls for work. I fear phone conversations...so awkward. So is silence, so I back up the new chick.

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    1. At this point, I'm glad my girls can follow directions. But I'd be open to seeing them do something different for sure.


      Phone calls are scary. My job gives me incredible anxiety. Most days I need energy drinks just to chill me out & grind through it, otherwise i hide in the bathroom and weep.

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  2. I like napping.... 2 hours is too indulgent
    1 hour is better

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    1. Sometimes it takes me a half hour just to fall asleep, and between my job and my girls I can sleep for three hours if I'm comfortable and uninterrupted.

      Delete
  3. Nothing beats a six hour nap. Why not get a real bike and ride it in the street while wearing a helmet? Much more fun than an exercise bike.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I had thought about that years ago, but we dont have a shed or garage, and our house is set up so awkward that it wouldnt fit through the side door (there's no back door to the basement, its a side door and its very cramped.)

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  4. I have never understood napping. (Apparently I stopped napping at an absurdly young age, which was probably super fun for my nanny...).

    Prescription sleepies never worked for me. I still take benadryl every night. ......and maybe also a bit of bourbon.

    Have you ever thought of joining a local church? Not for the religious aspect, but more a social one. A lot of churches have mens' groups that meet like every other Wednesday night or Saturday morning or something like that. Our church alternates Saturdays and Wednesdays I think, and do something cheesy like bowling every so often. It would probably be good for you to be around more men, and men who aren't your bosses or relatives or in-laws. If you find the right church group, there's no pressure to get heavily involved in the religion or even attend the church regularly. My dad says half the guys in our church's mens' group never come to church on Sundays. Just a thought....

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    1. I never napped either until I became a father. Children will siphon off all your energy. Benadryl & bourbon, eh? I'll have to try that. Had a Neuro Sleep once and it worked great... the first time. Nyquil knocks me out but I wake up with a groggy, hung over feeling.

      I haven't thought about joining a church group, but it's an interesting idea.
      "It would probably be good for you to be around more men, and men who aren't your bosses or relatives or in-laws."
      You're right about that. I had no male role models in my family life, haven't had a real-life friend nearby in a lifetime, and as a result of this I often feel like half a person. Even my blogger friends/readers are mostly female. Which is great! But I'm sure y'all dont want to hear about hot girls and hockey (well, maybe hockey ;D )

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  5. i was wondering why you've gone quiet for a while! apparently it's just me that's missed this post now.

    i think with new people all you can do is wait until the uneasiness goes away. then they become familiar and you know exactly how to deal with them in the way that makes your life less hellish.

    you have a daughter? in kindergarten? may God keep her safe (i translated that from an Arabic saying so if it doesn't make any sense, that's why.)

    oh God, there's nothing food can't solve. the awkwardness though of stuffing your face with 5 biccies when someone you barely know makes small talk and all he could do is nod and hope you don't spray crumbs all over their clothes (or does this only happen to me?).

    we were taught by our Irish prof that once you see light in the room, the reason you lose the ability to go back to sleep is because our internal clock is still tuned to our ancestor's. if there's light = sun/morning, dark = bed time. so the minute your hypothalamus thinks it's time to get up, you're usually toast and can't go back to sleep. but there are many people that defy this. people that seem to be able to hibernate... i envy these people.

    i think having a kip is the best way of ruining your sleep at night. the only way i know how to fix it is to either adjust to sleeping little at night/kip during the day or just don't nap at all and sleep through the night.

    "My plan to flood all my free time with sports cards and video games has succeeded" i approve of this.

    Mich does church for socialising. i do the gym. that's my social circle. pound out a good bit of exercise, then sit around, have a cup of coffee, some hit the sauna/steam room, have a nice long shower... time flies. though there is one problem with having the gym as a main social circle! the most popular topics include weight loss, gossiping and the new pills someone is using to melt their adipose tissue. because that's how science works, you know.

    okay. i comment as i'm reading so this "My mom wants to buy me an exercise bike because she is a lot more worried about my health than I am" made my laugh.

    don't get an exercise bike. they're tedious as hell. we've had so many exercise machines and health food in this house that one might think that we're health freaks. unfortunately, the complete opposite is true.

    alright, i'm only watching a bit of that vid and i saw this lass stripped down to her knickers with a body sculpted from gold. aye.

    okay i'm 30 seconds in and my brain cells have melted. this whole boyfriend/girlfriend malarkey has never entertained me. oops.





    -Sam Luupin

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  6. comment reply:

    "I think I gained five pounds just reading this…not sure what the conversion rate is there…"

    okay, bear with me. i use stones for my blog, because the character that i'm writing as (i.e. Percy Weasley from Harry Potter) is exceedingly British. 1 stone = 14lbs. maybe i'd say "just nearly half a stone". but my country actually uses kilograms. which is... 2,2kg?

    a Mountin Dew addiction beats alcohol i'd have to say.

    "Don't worry. Trump will lose" i hope he does. else i'll definitely worry for you blokes over there. he'd probably bankrupt the country in less than a fortnight.

    "Same goes for taco salad, if you've had those." i doubt i ever will. i'd probably only eat 1-2 dishes when it comes to American-Mexican cuisine (which i assume where taco salad is from). i'm one of those fussy people that enjoy 1) bland food and 2) dislike messy food. i refuse to eat something because it has too many flavours. i'm that knob that orders their cheeseburger without cheese and would never put ketchup on their chips/fries/whatever you want to call them.

    i opened up that scrapple link and i have no idea what i'm looking at. though Wiki says that the dirt cup/cake is a US concept (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirt_cake).

    "These do not exist, my friend. Unless you're sufficiently full after one Greek Yogurt?" i'd think that only bariatric patients find 1 Greek yoghurt filling. the rest are all lying.

    nuts don't mesh well with sweets? don't have Arabic desserts, lad. we use them liberally.

    "Hope you have/had an enjoyable Ramadan! :-)" thank you! there's a fair bit to go. it ends at around the 6th of July i believe??




    -Sam Lupin

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  7. Epic length comment reply reply (I love long comments!) ...

    "i was wondering why you've gone quiet for a while! apparently it's just me that's missed this post now." I've tried to find a 'follow' tool like many of you have, but I've not found it. I have added a 'follow by Email' tool though.

    "you have a daughter? in kindergarten? may God keep her safe (i translated that from an Arabic saying so if it doesn't make any sense, that's why.)" I have two daughters, my 6 year old is just finishing Kindy, and my 4 year old might start Pre-K in Sept. (and that made perfect sense, thank you!)

    "oh God, there's nothing food can't solve." I’m planning a (very long) food/fitness post, but this week has been relentless and I’m not sure when I’ll have time. Fridays seem to work best.

    "don't get an exercise bike. they're tedious as hell." So that’s zero votes for an exercise bike and three votes against. Hmm, might have to tell my mom to come up with another suggestion. (this is all because I was unable to join a spin class some years back)

    "alright, i'm only watching a bit of that vid and i saw this lass stripped down to her knickers with a body sculpted from gold. aye." Yes indeed. Tis true what they say of California girls..my aforementioned crush is also from Cali. Different body type, but equally deadly. Swooon.

    "okay i'm 30 seconds in and my brain cells have melted." Kinda like that Ben & Jerry's slop she's spooning at the outset of the vid. What flavor is that, wet cement?

    "okay, bear with me. i use stones for my blog, because the character that i'm writing as (i.e. Percy Weasley from Harry Potter) is exceedingly British." a-ha! It's a character blog! I tried that once, briefly blogged as a 14 year old girl. It was a fun and easy way of writing a novel without actually writing my novel. Then the Mrs and I welcomed our second child and I couldn't keep up with my character.

    ""Don't worry. Trump will lose" i hope he does. else i'll definitely worry for you blokes over there. he'd probably bankrupt the country in less than a fortnight." Yes, and Lisa Simpson will have to clean up the mess he leaves (I hope you get the reference, I cant link the video as I'm at work)

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