Monday, June 27, 2016

Let's dance to Joy Division and celebrate the irony

I feel like I should write a blog post without complaining about my job or my family, or wallowing in depression, or lamenting how unhealthy I've become...but sadly, that doesn't leave much to discuss.

I could try writing a flash fiction post, but all of my ideas have dried up. That, along with my rapidly declining health, seems to be a long-term effect of my year-long depression. My creativity is just...gone. Which is kind of a bummer because I had a great idea for a Young Adult novel and I would have loved to see it through.

Also, this young actress would have been perfect for my female lead -- even if my story never made it further than a YA readers/writers forum.

Hello, Kitty Kat

I'm not even sure if I saved a copy of the story. When my aunt died last summer, I lost a great deal of writing motivation. I knew I'd never finish it, and I thought everything I had ever written was rubbish.

Additionally, her house was like a hoarder's dream - there was so much old crap lying around it took two dumpsters, dozens of bags of trash, and my entire immediate family working long hours for two straight weeks to get rid of it all. (At one point I stumbled into her sewing room and found a stack of Time magazines - from 1990.)

I had always been a neat freak until I had my own family and lost control of my life (and my living space) but in my somewhat morbid mindset I was determined not to leave behind a mess of my things for my family to clean should something happen to me. So when I got back to Jerz I put everything I had ever written in a box and ran it all through a shredder. That included a lot of embarrassing journal entries, notes from girls I never dated (so why the heck was I saving them?) and all of my story notes, ideas, and at least two copies of a screenplay I had written a decade ago that sorta morphed into my Lighthouse story.

Maybe there's a paper copy of it left, or maybe there's a digital copy saved on a disk somewhere, I'm not sure. Whatever. I still have the important plot points stored away in my mind, along with some pics of celebrities that sorta kinda resemble my main characters...and this amazing track:

Speaking of music...I really need more music. And I need to organize my music like I organize my baseball cards. This is a much greater task than it should be. Y'all got iPhones, right? Well, I dont. I dont even have iTunes. My last computer crashed after I downloaded an iTunes update and so I still haven't downloaded it on this computer - which I've had for almost two years. All of the CD's I frequently-occasionally listen to have been uploaded, but I use Windows Media Player to play them. Except, as you know, I do not currently have speakers. And so, the only ways I can listen to music are: bring CDs into the car, or listen to my very old iPod.

I feel like an idiot using an iPod when everyone else has an iPhone, but I'd use it anyway if I had any recent music loaded onto it. Which of course I can't do without downloading iTunes (by this point you're probably saying oh just download it already!). For the past few months I've been content with listening to Fall Out Boy and Silversun Pickups for 20 minutes a day on my morning commute. But I need some variety, man.

There are songs I have on my iPod that I dont have anywhere else, and there are songs I burned to blank CDs either through downloads or borrowing CDs from my best friend (the library) that I never uploaded to my iPod. And it's frickin difficult to access any particular song at any particular time.

For instance, the above pic of Kat McNamara is captioned "Hello Kitty Kat" because of a 1994 Smashing Pumpkins song - which I cannot listen to right now because for some dumb reason I never put it on the pod. Also, Harlynn had asked for song suggestions for her next hula hooping video... and I suggested "Song 2" by Blur. Another 90's favorite I can't access at the moment.

That's another problem - my music collection is old as fuck. I rarely hear new music because top 40 is garbage in the US (FOB excluded, of course), and I don't have satellite radio or Pandora. I think I've purchased an average of one CD or album download per year since graduating college.

My (wife's) niece played random selections from her iTunes library during her graduation party, and I recognized exactly four songs: "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, "Re-Education Through Labor" by Rise Against, and two Sublime songs - "Santeria" and "What I Got." Which led to a spirited sing along with myself, D's sister, and her older brother. Which led to their father openly questioning why a white man would sing reggae. Which led D's sister to jump to the defense of the late, great Brad Nowell - who has been dead for 20 years.

Which led me to feel really, really fucking old.

BTW, do y'all save CDs from artists you used to love even though you've sorta outgrown them? I ask because I have about 20 albums and singles of The Cure I rarely listen to, but I'm never getting rid of them because they were a huge part of my high school years and I'm nostalgic like that.

This track shall be played at my funeral:

That's two melancholy tracks in one post. I'm sorry if I've depressed you on a Monday morning.

Here's another one of my old favorites. It's a much, much more upbeat track. If I could play this at work I wouldn't need energy drinks ;-)



  1. I'm still clinging to my ancient ipod for dear life. They don't make the 80gb ones anymore, and I really really need that space...

    Do you have Spotify on your computer? It's amazing. I've found a ton of new bands on it, too. It's pretty good at suggesting music you might like based on what you listen to.

    I still have all my Cd's. My new thing is vinyl. It's getting expensive...

    1. I don't have Spotify. Will definitely look into it when I start focusing on music again. I miss my old satellite radio. "Fred" was the best..

      Vinyl is expensive but totally worth it. I still have a milk crate full of old Smiths and New Order vinyl :-)

  2. Chris , i am enjoyng your posts they are kind of meandering and just a bit ad lib.....

    1. Yep, that's me! I try to cover a few different topics and segue as smoothly as possible. On occasion i do one-topic posts but those aren't as well-received I guess?

      Thanks for reading!

  3. I don't have an iPhone. I don't have an iPod. I don't know what iTunes is. I recognized the title of one of the four songs you mentioned. I want to email you with instructions for putting a followers button on your blog.


    1. I'm guessing Teen Spirit was the one song you recognized? That's okay, I'm not up on current trends, either.

      I will e-mail you today after work. Thanks!

  4. "I feel like I should write a blog post without complaining about my job or my family, or wallowing in depression, or lamenting how unhealthy I've become...but sadly, that doesn't leave much to discuss." i get you there, mate. keep on holding on though! things do get brighter some days.

    she really is a remarkable specimen.

    that's a lot of papers to have gotten rid of! as for the vid you've put up, is it strange that i find that music grating and annoying?

    "Y'all got iPhones, right? Well, I dont. I dont even have iTunes." who are you

    you say all this music and yet i know very little of it.

    "That's another problem - my music collection is old as fuck." i don't listen to very old music but i don't listen to music that comes from the top 40's. it really is garbage. atm, i'm enjoying some indie folk music with a bit of heavy metal thrown in here and there. though i do listen to a high amount of Zumba music which DOES include some of those top-40-bollocks, but they do also include a routine in my head.

    you have a very interesting music selection. which i find intensely annoying, but it's ironic because i mostly have listened to heavy metal for the past few years. if there's anyone in the world that should gauge how annoying music could be, i'm not one of them!

    but with love,
    -Sam Lupin

    1. "i get you there, mate. keep on holding on though! things do get brighter some days." I shall try. I learned from someone very special to share the good and the bad (though she was the opposite - had a hard time sharing when she wasnt at her best)

      "she really is a remarkable specimen." KatMac...meow! If i were ten years younger...I'd maybe try to finish that story on the off chance she'd be my lead? Haha. I've tried to watch that Shadowhunters show of hers... way over my head. Not my thing at all. But that girl can rock some black leather, let me tell you.

      "you say all this music and yet i know very little of it." my preferred genre is alternative rock, from 80's new wave to the Emo movement. I know little of anything else, though i did go through a classic rock phase as a teen.

      I post what I love and see what sticks. You've given me a lot of feedback, which I appreciate. No one else comments on my fave women. Skip the sports and music if you like. I dont expect anyone to watch the videos I embed. But I'm always grateful when you do :-)