Thursday, June 30, 2016

YouTube Play-by-Play

This week has been brutal. I'm so glad it's Friday!



What's that? It's only Thursday? I have to go to work tomorrow?




On the bright side, this horrible month is finally over and a 3 day weekend is on the horizon. I plan to use this time to catch up on blogs, watch a movie or two, and rest as much as possible. I'm sure my family has other plans for me though.

My newest additions to the sports card collection have arrived, and I'm very happy with them. Some of the vintage cards I had appraised came back at a lower grade than I was expecting, but the overall value of my cards nearly doubled from what I paid for the lot. The 'star' of the show was this 1979 Topps Willie Stargell card I bought (ungraded) for less than a dollar.

Star...Stargell...get it? ha ha

Thanks to that 'Mint 9' label, I now have a card valued at $200-250. I seemed to have done particularly well with Pittsburgh Pirates for some reason. Yankees and Giants, not so much.

In current sports news, my favorite hockey team made a major trade - which all the experts say was quite one-sided in "our" favor. The Devils are famous for having great defense but very little offense, and so they traded their best young defenseman to the Oilers for top goal scorer and former #1 overall draft pick Taylor Hall. He won't get to wear his #4 here in New Jersey, but there may be some unique marketing opportunities in his future.


This was the biggest trade the Devils have made in years, but in less than half an hour it was upsatged by an even bigger trade and a huge free-agent signing by other teams. (I imagine English soccer fans feel the same way during the transfer window?)

Yes, the Devils now have a gaping hole in their defense and still need about four more good players before they can plan the championship parade.. but it gives us fans some hope for the seasons ahead.

Anywho...(sorry I couldn't think of a better segue. I'm exhausted)




I wanted to do something fun that didn't involve sports - and my initial idea was to make a list of my favorite Fall Out Boy songs or lyrics or something. But they're all bloody brilliant.


I considered using the above lyric as the title of this blog post but it is much too long to be a title. Kind of like FOB  favorites "I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me", "Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)" and "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)" They don't really do that anymore; the longest song title from their last album was...the title track

Instead I borrowed a device from one of my favorite hockey writers, Sean McIndoe, who goes by the name "Down Goes Brown" on the Tweetererr. (he was one of the experts who thought the Devils won the Taylor Hall trade) What he does is, he finds an old YouTube clip and breaks it down with some funny analysis, "hindsight insight" if you will, and you can either watch along with him or read his commentary and feel like you've seen the whole thing. I usually skip the old hockey clip and read the article instead - especially since I cant hear anything anyway.

This morning I was watching the latest Taryn Southern video when I realized that she's saying something interesting and important and I feel like an idiot watching her sexy self with no sound. So I thought, why not watch it again and try to surmise what she's saying, based on a) the words on the screen, and 2) the comments from other YouTubers. Let's see how this goes:




Okay, so...the topic is "How Isolation Can Kill You (But Seriously Though)"

Isolation...great Joy Division song. Contains one of my favorite lyrics of all-time:




Oh, sorry, we're not doing that.

Anyway..."But Seriously Though" seems to be a label she applies to her "serious" posts, so we might actually learn something here.

Ah, yes. We've learned that Taryn Southern looks damn good in a tank top.

IRL...either she's about to discuss IndyCar racing or she's referencing people who have actually met her in person. Based on the title/topic, I'm assuming she's making a point about how we should spend more time with our friends/family In Real Life and spend less time watching YouTube videos of people who have no idea we exist. #irony


For some reason I can't stop staring at this woman's neck. It's very distracting. 

Serious Conversation Alert...and that black necklace she's wearing makes her look like some kind of coach or referee. Is she going to blow a whistle to make us pay attention? 

No, she's just going to flash a little thermal fire and a little bit of bra strap. I'm paying attention.

180,000 people...weak social ties...= 30% increase in heart attacks

Welp, I'm an unhealthy loner with no social skills. And I've had three energy drinks today. So I'll be dead by the end of this video. 

32% increase in strokes. Okay this is starting to freak me out. I want Party Fun Times now.

Love the way that blonde pony tail bounces back and forth. I was so into blondes back in the day. Then it was redheads...then curly haired brunettes...then redheads again. Think I'm back to blondes now.

Uh-oh...more scary statistics...weak social ties = increase in smoking, decrease in exercise

Can't add or subtract zero from zero, honey. And, since i don't do either and never have, I say that cancels itself out and I'm doing a-ok :-)

Worse diet...awww fuck. 

Boy she really emphasizes that point. She puts her whole flamingo neck into it. 

News flash...with actual flash. And a tat-flash! (I said tat. Tat.)

She sings something, points upward, then posts a pic of...Alexander Graham Bell? Could she be giving some sort of history lesson about how technology has affected our interpersonal communications throughout the past 150 years, or am I giving her too much credit?

Honestly I'm not even sure that was Bell. And she follows it up with Buddhist Monks and a sleeping cat. Now i'm totally confused. 

Kitties! Awww so cute! Maybe they're so friendly because they're not on social media.

What am I saying? ...kitties are all over social media! 





She's making another important point here. I can tell because she's squinting and gesticulating pretty hard. She just wants so badly to see humans embrace each other as warmly as the blonde kitty and the black kitty. 

Now Taryn is making some sort of pulling gesture, pulling something over her head. A gas mask maybe? What does this have to do with race relations? Er... I mean isolation?

Two minutes in, there's this cutaway to Taryn in her kitchen wearing a pink dress and jumping in and out of frame. She has captioned it Movement. Is she suggesting that we all get up and move? Because Michelle Obama suggested that years ago and we spat some 'nanny-state' venom at her. 

We're back to the blue room - and the blue tank top. Flamingo neck wants us to join the Tribe Of Good. The Cleveland Indians have won 12 games in a row. I'd say that's a pretty good tribe. 

Close-up of Taryn as she gives us the hot girl head tilt, then does a quick "this or that" gesture with her hands. I feel like she could sell this harder. What does the Tribe of Good have to do with cultivating social skills?

Ah, there's the hard sell. She's throwing the kitchen sink at us now: forceful hand gestures, bulging neck veins, bobbing pony tail...and of course the website in all caps.

Hmm, when she moves her mouth a certain way you can really see her smile lines. Not sure if this is common for a woman in her late 20's-early 30's, but my last crush had some serious smile lines and she was in college at the time. 

We're nearing the end of the video, and Taryn smells her fingers for some reason. It wasn't very subtle, either. But it wasn't as bad as this guy




So...what have we learned? I've learned that weak social ties make us unhealthy and increase the urge to smoke. I've learned that kittens have better social skills than humans. And I gained intimate knowledge of Taryn Southern's neck and collar region. 

Perhaps the comment section can fill in some of these Grand Canyon gaps in my notes...

Some wannabe professor suggests that she cite her sources...while another brainiac suggests that she give him a different kind of oral presentation. Perv.

There's a heartfelt and personal post in between all the suggestive sex comments. It's from someone who offers support to others who are struggling with social issues: "She has a good point. If anyone is or has been in a situation like this, and you need to just vent or be heard. Maybe even hold a conversation with someone, just message me. You are not alone, and a stranger or a familiar person, even just a random act of kindness can save your life/a life. I dont want money, likes, subs, or anything. No personal info either. I just want to help someone and pay it forward." 
I'm tempted to message this person. 


Naturally, the next commenter wants to "smell her farts". Well, that solves that mystery. 

At least two viewers who tried to sign up for Tribe Of Good ran into some problems. Apparently the tribe are "checking your data" during each attempt. That sounds...ominous.

Lots of comments supporting her new format, complimenting her intelligence (almost as much as her hot bod) and then this: 
So... talking about the subject... Isolation also makes you lose social skills... that's right... if you were social in the first place, not practicing it can lead to an endless path of isolation. Depressed people don't have the skills to beat depression... It's not that they don't want to, or that they decide not to, they just lost the skills to do it. Long periods of isolation in sadness can, and will make you hate the world and everyone in it, furthering your need to isolate yourself from the rest of the world. To be real honest here, I''ve been down a path quite dark at the moment, since I'm an independent worker. I've worked from my house, and the only reason to go out is once a week to the supermarket to buy food for the next week. And I've lost social skills... I don't know how to start a conversation anymore. Forget the "just be yourself" crap. what happens when "yourself" is a quiet, silent person? or maybe you weren't, but with time and isolation, you just don't have anything to talk about... I mean, I can do my job, but I can't even approach someone at a bar and start a conversation, cause I have no clue how to do it anymore... So yeah. Get out, meet people. It will be hard at first, but practice makes perfect... right?

I could pick this apart all day, but in the interest of saving time/space I just bolded the stuff I experience.

Taryn commented on her own video to fish for topic suggestions. One cynical viewer suggested that doing "crazy bizzare things" would attract more views/followers. (She's not wrong.)

More than a handful of viewers share my sentiments about being unhealthy and socially inept... but I related to this one the most:
I am really fucked. i'm shy and I dont have any social skills, I don´t like exercise. but at least I don't smoke. Making the world a better place sounds good. there is a lot of hate out there,

If anyone is still reading this... I'd like your opinion on this comment:
You're looking buff! You working out? You're glowing and looking as beautiful as ever.

I rate this statement half-true.

Maybe my idea of "buff" has been skewed by my last crush, but I'd say Taryn looks fit and toned. Yes, there's a difference. Either that dude doesn't know what "buff" is...or I don't.


And I gotta include this one because of the sports reference:
In baseball terms I'd call this a bunt, because it hit way too close to home for me.

Word.

One more. Not particularly informative, but I dug it:
Talking about deep, serious things also makes you look deep so you can find a guy who will love you for more than the fact that you are dead sexy ;)




Can someone please watch Taryn's video (with the sound ON) and tell me if my observations were anywhere close to accurate? 








~




9 comments:

  1. I always wonder if our families know the full value of our collections. Like if I suddenly dropped dead, I bet none of my relatives would think of selling the My Little Ponies. In total, the collection is worth thousands...

    I've given up on the Devils. Brodeur's bad seasons took like 10 years off my life. And then we lost Kowalczuk and I just can't anymore.

    (I saw Ilja Kowalczuk at Dairy Queen once, it was super exciting.)

    Youtube commenters scare me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't give up on the Devils! They're getting incrementally better. Bah, give up if you want. Hockey breaks my heart every year. You saw Kovy at DQ? I think I remember that story. That is awesome!

      YouTube, man...yikes. The comments on any random video about anything will make you weep for the human race. I try to stay away from social media whenever possible, but I watch YouTube for music, TV, and a very limited selection of other people. I know I rambled a lot in this post (see John's comment) but it has "cured" my K crush. So..yeah.

      Delete
    2. There are indeed rare My Little Ponies. The mail-order-only ponies are probably the rarest of the US releases. Then there are the ponies that were only released in other countries. The UK ones aren't too pricey, but you start getting into the rare variations that came out of Brazil and Argentina, and you'll be spending big bucks. The prize of my collection came from Brazil: http://s1ckb1tch.blogspot.com/2011/02/say-hello-to-shrinking-in-your-head.html

      I might do a show and tell post, thanks for the idea! Or maybe more of these, they were fun http://s1ckb1tch.blogspot.com/2011/10/nonsense-i-have-not-yet-begun-to-defile.html

      Delete
  2. When i was a psychiatric nurse we would call all this a " stream of consciousness "

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is and it isn't. I wrote it all in one sitting, but I made edits along the way and I chose words carefully.

      My "stream of consciousness" rants can be found here and here. I do them in a different font and lower case; i dont even pause for punctuation.

      Delete
  3. Well hello there. Hope your three-day weekend is going well. Willie Stargell brings back a lot of memories. I was a little fella back when they won that World Series, but I still remember it because of the "We Are Family" song. I'm a Cardinals fan but it was one of the few times in my life I was pulling for the Pirates.
    Glad your Devils got some much-needed firepower. Since I'm a Cardinals fan I'm naturally also a Blues fan (born in STL) and I'm a little crestfallen about their recent moves. Trading our #1 goalie and then losing our beloved captain kinda stinks. They have done much to fill the void either, which isn't helping my mood. And I might still be a little upset about them losing the Western Conference Championship. They just always manage to break my heart. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Mr. Shife! It's good to have another sports fan here. That Pirates team was a year before I was born but I've read about it. I'm kind of a baseball historian (hence my interest in vintage cards) I'm a Red Sox fan myself, but I have a lot of respect for the Redbirds. The first replica jersey I ever bought was in Cooperstown on my 11th bday - and I chose Lou Brock.

      That Blues-Sharks series was tough, man. I watched the whole thing cause I knew Pittsburgh would win the cup anyway. Why the heck did they trade Elliott for a 2nd? Backes is a tough loss, but Boston will be paying him for his decline phase. Also, Tarasenko is a beast! I hear you about the heartbreak, but maybe getting younger will help?

      Thanks for visiting & commenting!

      Delete
  4. that mini clip is very entertaining.

    "I plan to use this time to catch up on blogs, watch a movie or two, and rest as much as possible. I'm sure my family has other plans for me though." aye, i wouldn't be surprised.

    no, i don't get it.

    is it at any point in time that you sell these cards? or am i missing the whole thing? then again, i think that selling them sort of defeats the purpose of collecting them. though i so would.

    *sports talk that my brain does not compute*

    i haven't listened to Fall Out Boy in ages.

    that Joy Division thing you posted is a bit... well, it isn't very happy is it?

    "Ah, yes. We've learned that Taryn Southern looks damn good in a tank top." that's basically it.

    this is a serious video? i feel my head is burning. i lost it after she said that she's into the whole science thing. i'm sure you are, love. i know that i'm making assumptions but she doesn't really sound like she's sat behind a microscope all day long. apparently, isolation is not good for you.

    i've also read and commented on your other previous posts! xxx


    -Sam Lupin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "no, i don't get it." It was the best of the bunch, so I called it the "star"...also, his name is Stargell and he put stars on his teammates' hats as a reward for... wait, you're being sarcastic, aren't you? :p

      "is it at any point in time that you sell these cards? or am i missing the whole thing? then again, i think that selling them sort of defeats the purpose of collecting them. though i so would." There are some that I will save for years, so that they might appreciate in value. Some I plan to "flip" immediately, and some I'll keep forever. But tbh, most of them will likely be sold when my girls are ready for college in 10-12 years. So I enjoy them in the meantime. (Wanna see more of my collection? You know you do.)

      *sports talk that my brain does not compute* And I tried to compare it to English soccer(football) so you would. oh well..

      Joy Division, The Cure, The Smiths...the holy trinity of miserable music.

      "this is a serious video? i feel my head is burning. i lost it after she said that she's into the whole science thing. i'm sure you are, love. i know that i'm making assumptions but she doesn't really sound like she's sat behind a microscope all day long"

      I doubt she has, and I wouldnt want her burying that hot bod beneath a lab coat anyway haha. But this is why i dig her... she tries to be informative and make the world a bit better. Beauty is nice, brains and beauty are better. Brains + beauty + big heart = Chris crushes on you for all eternity.

      "i've also read and commented on your other previous posts! xxx" And I've replied to all! Thanks so much!

      Delete