Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Only In Dreams

I have lots of time to daydream when I'm riding the bus, or walking home, or trying to fall asleep. Sometimes I dream about being a star athlete, or the lead singer/guitarist of a band that re-invents rock music and ascends to commercial and critical success not seen in this pop-obsessed country since Nirvana. Sometimes I dream of leaving the world the same way Kurt Cobain did.

Usually though, my daydreams follow the same storyline, within a fictional universe I've built for myself - including an ideal age, backstory, body type, hometown, occupations (yes, I have two jobs), social status... and relationships. But all of that centers around MFG -- and I promised I wouldn't blog about her anymore. 

And I think that someone in my subconscious is getting jealous of all the time I've spent thinking about that girl (and Taryn Southern, and Anna Kendrick...) 

Organic dreams are so random and strange but really fascinating to me, and I like to write them down so I can remember and analyze them. So here goes...

I'm in a sun-lit conference room with large windows on the far side. I get the sense that I'm in an office building, maybe fourth floor or tenth. Not ground level, but not too high up, either. There are six or seven other people with me - an Asian girl, an African-American guy, and a few other faceless people. 

And Jennifer Lawrence.

We must have taken some sort of test because I ask her how she did. "Aced it." She says, with a nonchalant shrug. I don't know why she was so confident in that moment, the "real" J-Law is often modest and awkward.

Then we're in a buffet line, and she's in front of me. She's holding a plate, but I'm not - and I can't see any food. All I see is her. 

You know that feeling when you really like someone and you try to play it cool cause you want to impress them.. but they suddenly seem so intimidating? That's me right here. I'm so aware of her advantage in this situation - I'm behind her, trailing her, trying to get her attention. And she seems so tall. I'm 6 '2" and I think she's 5' 8" but in this moment she cuts quite an imposing figure. 

As I'm sizing her up, planning to make my move, I breathe her in. I can actually smell the freshly-washed shirt she's wearing. I can feel the thick cotton. 

Finally, I position myself between her and the alleged food spread. I stand in front of her, place my hands on her hips (I can feel her hips!) and pull her close to me. This does not seem like the most romantic locale my brain could have produced, but whatevs.

"You know," I say to Jen. "I've loved a lot of girls. But you know I love you best." 

She responds with this doubting smirk, almost like an eye roll. I wish I could tell you that I backed up my bold (and poorly-worded) statement with an earth-shaking kiss... but I didn't. I must have woke up or something.

Still, that dream felt sooo real. I'm always amazed at what sort of surprises lay deep within my subconscious mind. I immediately search for meaning because there has to be a reason why I thought of this. 

Obviously I can't just go ahead and kiss Jennifer Lawrence (though that would be pretty sweet!) But I can try to divert my attention from one favorite female to another. And maybe that's what my subconscious was trying to say. 

Have you had any interesting dreams lately? Do you immediately journal them and/or try to extract a meaning or message? Let me know in comments!