Thursday, December 1, 2016

60! Let's see some son of a bitch try to top that one.

It's been raining buckets here all week. And of course I have to wait for the bus (which is always a half hour late) and then walk home in the rain for another half-hour after the bus ride. I was working on a star-themed playlist, but I think I might scrap it and go with songs about rain.

My soon-to-be seven year old is obsessed with a YouTuber named DanTDM. Y'all know about this guy? He's English (my wife swears he's Aussie) and he plays video games for a living. We started watching his videos when I got the girls into Minecraft (TDM stands for The Diamond Minecart) and now that my daughter can navigate YouTube on her own she's been watching his videos non-stop (until we stop her, of course.) This is how obsessed she is: yesterday I was with my four year old in the upstairs room when I saw that Dan did a video for the brand new NES Classic.


I told my wife this is the only thing I want for Christmas. A day later she looked into it and said "Yeah, good luck. They're sold out everywhere." Naturally, Dan got one gratis so he can review it on his channel. I wanted to show my daughter said video, so that she can see what I played when I was her age.

She would not come upstairs. She wouldn't even answer me. Know why? Because she was on her tablet watching a different Dan video.

I had an idea for a birthday surprise... I was going to message Dan and see if he'd do a quick video message to my daughter wishing her a happy birthday. So I searched for his contact info on Google. That's when I learned that he has over 13 million subscribers on YouTube. That's just a few more viewers than my favorite YouTuber.

You win this round, Daniel-san

YouTube subscribers:
Dan - 13,146,678
Taryn - 460,109

Twitter followers:

Dan - 797,000+
Taryn - 87,400+

Instagram followers:

Dan - 2,000,000+
Taryn - 66,400+

So, yeah...that birthday greeting? Not happening. 

I gave up trying to get my little one to come upstairs and watched Taryn's latest video instead. She needs all the views she can get 😸

Speaking of attractive women (and honestly, when am I not?) I have a little confession to make... don't judge, kay?

The receptionist at my law firm has been there forever, much longer than I've been there. She's not particularly pleasant but she's not nasty, either. She can be bossy, though (at one point a co-worker whispered to me "don't let her push you around.") Anywho... I've always known that she has a great figure.. and I've overheard her occasionally mention to co-workers that she exercises every day, eats crazy healthy, and all of that. She doesn't brag or anything (okay, she bragged once back when I was still fairly new there.)

Now..remember the new girl that I assumed had reported seeing "inappropriate images" on my computer? First of all, I no longer believe it was her. Second, I completely ignored her for about two weeks, until she got a call for me and we had to speak. And third, if I ever quit or get fired I might apologize to her for being cold - even though she'll think I'm weird.

Anyway, a short time ago New Girl complimented Receptionist Lady on her fashionable wardrobe. She said something like "I don't mean this the wrong way, but you don't dress like an older woman." Then she got all flustered, because Receptionist Lady isn't particularly warm and doesn't take compliments well. She just sort of shrugged and said "I know what you meant" and explained that she refuses to dress her age.

A week or two later, New Girl was hush-talking to my Work Mom about Receptionist Lady's svelte figure/health-nut regimen and I heard her say "It's awful. I mean it's great... but it's awful."

Cut to Wednesday morning.

Receptionist Lady needed help looking up some tax assessment info she couldn't find, so she came into my office ...wearing this figure-hugging smoking hot ruby red dress and black heels. And as she's explaining to me why she couldn't find the info on her own I'm doing this

I somehow manage to hold it together and find the info she needs. Then I go to her desk and explain how I found it. I gave it to her, she thanked me for my help, yada yada yada... I walked back to my office. And on my way I had this conversation in my head.

Hang out here for a while, I'll help you with anything you need.

The hell is wrong with you, boy? She's old enough to be your mom.

She is in fact a quarter-century my senior. A few months ago, I came in to the office and saw that her station was decorated with birthday signs, balloons, and streamers courtesy of Work Mom.

This was one such sign:

Yeah. She's f*ckin sixty, guys.

Don't judge me.



  1. Sixty? Wow! I'm not even sixty yet. Give me a few years and then I get the early bird senior discount.


  2. "f*ckin sixty" sounds nicer than just plain sixty. Besides what's wrong with being sixty you ageist s.o.b? I'm sixty three.

  3. I'm sixty-four, so I won't say anything.

  4. Well it's not illegal. Sixty is the new 40 or 30 or 20, right? I'm sure Cosmo has an article or two about that. She's just a mature woman who takes care of herself. Nothing wrong with admiring her for that. There are a few celebrities out there in their 60s that are still looking pretty good. No judgment here, Chris. Take care.