Thursday, June 30, 2016

YouTube Play-by-Play

This week has been brutal. I'm so glad it's Friday!

What's that? It's only Thursday? I have to go to work tomorrow?

On the bright side, this horrible month is finally over and a 3 day weekend is on the horizon. I plan to use this time to catch up on blogs, watch a movie or two, and rest as much as possible. I'm sure my family has other plans for me though.

My newest additions to the sports card collection have arrived, and I'm very happy with them. Some of the vintage cards I had appraised came back at a lower grade than I was expecting, but the overall value of my cards nearly doubled from what I paid for the lot. The 'star' of the show was this 1979 Topps Willie Stargell card I bought (ungraded) for less than a dollar.

Star...Stargell...get it? ha ha

Thanks to that 'Mint 9' label, I now have a card valued at $200-250. I seemed to have done particularly well with Pittsburgh Pirates for some reason. Yankees and Giants, not so much.

In current sports news, my favorite hockey team made a major trade - which all the experts say was quite one-sided in "our" favor. The Devils are famous for having great defense but very little offense, and so they traded their best young defenseman to the Oilers for top goal scorer and former #1 overall draft pick Taylor Hall. He won't get to wear his #4 here in New Jersey, but there may be some unique marketing opportunities in his future.

This was the biggest trade the Devils have made in years, but in less than half an hour it was upsatged by an even bigger trade and a huge free-agent signing by other teams. (I imagine English soccer fans feel the same way during the transfer window?)

Yes, the Devils now have a gaping hole in their defense and still need about four more good players before they can plan the championship parade.. but it gives us fans some hope for the seasons ahead.

Anywho...(sorry I couldn't think of a better segue. I'm exhausted)

I wanted to do something fun that didn't involve sports - and my initial idea was to make a list of my favorite Fall Out Boy songs or lyrics or something. But they're all bloody brilliant.

I considered using the above lyric as the title of this blog post but it is much too long to be a title. Kind of like FOB  favorites "I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me", "Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)" and "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)" They don't really do that anymore; the longest song title from their last album was...the title track

Instead I borrowed a device from one of my favorite hockey writers, Sean McIndoe, who goes by the name "Down Goes Brown" on the Tweetererr. (he was one of the experts who thought the Devils won the Taylor Hall trade) What he does is, he finds an old YouTube clip and breaks it down with some funny analysis, "hindsight insight" if you will, and you can either watch along with him or read his commentary and feel like you've seen the whole thing. I usually skip the old hockey clip and read the article instead - especially since I cant hear anything anyway.

This morning I was watching the latest Taryn Southern video when I realized that she's saying something interesting and important and I feel like an idiot watching her sexy self with no sound. So I thought, why not watch it again and try to surmise what she's saying, based on a) the words on the screen, and 2) the comments from other YouTubers. Let's see how this goes:

Okay, so...the topic is "How Isolation Can Kill You (But Seriously Though)"

Isolation...great Joy Division song. Contains one of my favorite lyrics of all-time:

Oh, sorry, we're not doing that.

Anyway..."But Seriously Though" seems to be a label she applies to her "serious" posts, so we might actually learn something here.

Ah, yes. We've learned that Taryn Southern looks damn good in a tank top.

IRL...either she's about to discuss IndyCar racing or she's referencing people who have actually met her in person. Based on the title/topic, I'm assuming she's making a point about how we should spend more time with our friends/family In Real Life and spend less time watching YouTube videos of people who have no idea we exist. #irony

For some reason I can't stop staring at this woman's neck. It's very distracting. 

Serious Conversation Alert...and that black necklace she's wearing makes her look like some kind of coach or referee. Is she going to blow a whistle to make us pay attention? 

No, she's just going to flash a little thermal fire and a little bit of bra strap. I'm paying attention.

180,000 people...weak social ties...= 30% increase in heart attacks

Welp, I'm an unhealthy loner with no social skills. And I've had three energy drinks today. So I'll be dead by the end of this video. 

32% increase in strokes. Okay this is starting to freak me out. I want Party Fun Times now.

Love the way that blonde pony tail bounces back and forth. I was so into blondes back in the day. Then it was redheads...then curly haired brunettes...then redheads again. Think I'm back to blondes now.

Uh-oh...more scary statistics...weak social ties = increase in smoking, decrease in exercise

Can't add or subtract zero from zero, honey. And, since i don't do either and never have, I say that cancels itself out and I'm doing a-ok :-)

Worse diet...awww fuck. 

Boy she really emphasizes that point. She puts her whole flamingo neck into it. 

News flash...with actual flash. And a tat-flash! (I said tat. Tat.)

She sings something, points upward, then posts a pic of...Alexander Graham Bell? Could she be giving some sort of history lesson about how technology has affected our interpersonal communications throughout the past 150 years, or am I giving her too much credit?

Honestly I'm not even sure that was Bell. And she follows it up with Buddhist Monks and a sleeping cat. Now i'm totally confused. 

Kitties! Awww so cute! Maybe they're so friendly because they're not on social media.

What am I saying? ...kitties are all over social media! 

She's making another important point here. I can tell because she's squinting and gesticulating pretty hard. She just wants so badly to see humans embrace each other as warmly as the blonde kitty and the black kitty. 

Now Taryn is making some sort of pulling gesture, pulling something over her head. A gas mask maybe? What does this have to do with race relations? Er... I mean isolation?

Two minutes in, there's this cutaway to Taryn in her kitchen wearing a pink dress and jumping in and out of frame. She has captioned it Movement. Is she suggesting that we all get up and move? Because Michelle Obama suggested that years ago and we spat some 'nanny-state' venom at her. 

We're back to the blue room - and the blue tank top. Flamingo neck wants us to join the Tribe Of Good. The Cleveland Indians have won 12 games in a row. I'd say that's a pretty good tribe. 

Close-up of Taryn as she gives us the hot girl head tilt, then does a quick "this or that" gesture with her hands. I feel like she could sell this harder. What does the Tribe of Good have to do with cultivating social skills?

Ah, there's the hard sell. She's throwing the kitchen sink at us now: forceful hand gestures, bulging neck veins, bobbing pony tail...and of course the website in all caps.

Hmm, when she moves her mouth a certain way you can really see her smile lines. Not sure if this is common for a woman in her late 20's-early 30's, but my last crush had some serious smile lines and she was in college at the time. 

We're nearing the end of the video, and Taryn smells her fingers for some reason. It wasn't very subtle, either. But it wasn't as bad as this guy

So...what have we learned? I've learned that weak social ties make us unhealthy and increase the urge to smoke. I've learned that kittens have better social skills than humans. And I gained intimate knowledge of Taryn Southern's neck and collar region. 

Perhaps the comment section can fill in some of these Grand Canyon gaps in my notes...

Some wannabe professor suggests that she cite her sources...while another brainiac suggests that she give him a different kind of oral presentation. Perv.

There's a heartfelt and personal post in between all the suggestive sex comments. It's from someone who offers support to others who are struggling with social issues: "She has a good point. If anyone is or has been in a situation like this, and you need to just vent or be heard. Maybe even hold a conversation with someone, just message me. You are not alone, and a stranger or a familiar person, even just a random act of kindness can save your life/a life. I dont want money, likes, subs, or anything. No personal info either. I just want to help someone and pay it forward." 
I'm tempted to message this person. 

Naturally, the next commenter wants to "smell her farts". Well, that solves that mystery. 

At least two viewers who tried to sign up for Tribe Of Good ran into some problems. Apparently the tribe are "checking your data" during each attempt. That sounds...ominous.

Lots of comments supporting her new format, complimenting her intelligence (almost as much as her hot bod) and then this: 
So... talking about the subject... Isolation also makes you lose social skills... that's right... if you were social in the first place, not practicing it can lead to an endless path of isolation. Depressed people don't have the skills to beat depression... It's not that they don't want to, or that they decide not to, they just lost the skills to do it. Long periods of isolation in sadness can, and will make you hate the world and everyone in it, furthering your need to isolate yourself from the rest of the world. To be real honest here, I''ve been down a path quite dark at the moment, since I'm an independent worker. I've worked from my house, and the only reason to go out is once a week to the supermarket to buy food for the next week. And I've lost social skills... I don't know how to start a conversation anymore. Forget the "just be yourself" crap. what happens when "yourself" is a quiet, silent person? or maybe you weren't, but with time and isolation, you just don't have anything to talk about... I mean, I can do my job, but I can't even approach someone at a bar and start a conversation, cause I have no clue how to do it anymore... So yeah. Get out, meet people. It will be hard at first, but practice makes perfect... right?

I could pick this apart all day, but in the interest of saving time/space I just bolded the stuff I experience.

Taryn commented on her own video to fish for topic suggestions. One cynical viewer suggested that doing "crazy bizzare things" would attract more views/followers. (She's not wrong.)

More than a handful of viewers share my sentiments about being unhealthy and socially inept... but I related to this one the most:
I am really fucked. i'm shy and I dont have any social skills, I don´t like exercise. but at least I don't smoke. Making the world a better place sounds good. there is a lot of hate out there,

If anyone is still reading this... I'd like your opinion on this comment:
You're looking buff! You working out? You're glowing and looking as beautiful as ever.

I rate this statement half-true.

Maybe my idea of "buff" has been skewed by my last crush, but I'd say Taryn looks fit and toned. Yes, there's a difference. Either that dude doesn't know what "buff" is...or I don't.

And I gotta include this one because of the sports reference:
In baseball terms I'd call this a bunt, because it hit way too close to home for me.


One more. Not particularly informative, but I dug it:
Talking about deep, serious things also makes you look deep so you can find a guy who will love you for more than the fact that you are dead sexy ;)

Can someone please watch Taryn's video (with the sound ON) and tell me if my observations were anywhere close to accurate? 


Monday, June 27, 2016

Let's dance to Joy Division and celebrate the irony

I feel like I should write a blog post without complaining about my job or my family, or wallowing in depression, or lamenting how unhealthy I've become...but sadly, that doesn't leave much to discuss.

I could try writing a flash fiction post, but all of my ideas have dried up. That, along with my rapidly declining health, seems to be a long-term effect of my year-long depression. My creativity is just...gone. Which is kind of a bummer because I had a great idea for a Young Adult novel and I would have loved to see it through.

Also, this young actress would have been perfect for my female lead -- even if my story never made it further than a YA readers/writers forum.

Hello, Kitty Kat

I'm not even sure if I saved a copy of the story. When my aunt died last summer, I lost a great deal of writing motivation. I knew I'd never finish it, and I thought everything I had ever written was rubbish.

Additionally, her house was like a hoarder's dream - there was so much old crap lying around it took two dumpsters, dozens of bags of trash, and my entire immediate family working long hours for two straight weeks to get rid of it all. (At one point I stumbled into her sewing room and found a stack of Time magazines - from 1990.)

I had always been a neat freak until I had my own family and lost control of my life (and my living space) but in my somewhat morbid mindset I was determined not to leave behind a mess of my things for my family to clean should something happen to me. So when I got back to Jerz I put everything I had ever written in a box and ran it all through a shredder. That included a lot of embarrassing journal entries, notes from girls I never dated (so why the heck was I saving them?) and all of my story notes, ideas, and at least two copies of a screenplay I had written a decade ago that sorta morphed into my Lighthouse story.

Maybe there's a paper copy of it left, or maybe there's a digital copy saved on a disk somewhere, I'm not sure. Whatever. I still have the important plot points stored away in my mind, along with some pics of celebrities that sorta kinda resemble my main characters...and this amazing track:

Speaking of music...I really need more music. And I need to organize my music like I organize my baseball cards. This is a much greater task than it should be. Y'all got iPhones, right? Well, I dont. I dont even have iTunes. My last computer crashed after I downloaded an iTunes update and so I still haven't downloaded it on this computer - which I've had for almost two years. All of the CD's I frequently-occasionally listen to have been uploaded, but I use Windows Media Player to play them. Except, as you know, I do not currently have speakers. And so, the only ways I can listen to music are: bring CDs into the car, or listen to my very old iPod.

I feel like an idiot using an iPod when everyone else has an iPhone, but I'd use it anyway if I had any recent music loaded onto it. Which of course I can't do without downloading iTunes (by this point you're probably saying oh just download it already!). For the past few months I've been content with listening to Fall Out Boy and Silversun Pickups for 20 minutes a day on my morning commute. But I need some variety, man.

There are songs I have on my iPod that I dont have anywhere else, and there are songs I burned to blank CDs either through downloads or borrowing CDs from my best friend (the library) that I never uploaded to my iPod. And it's frickin difficult to access any particular song at any particular time.

For instance, the above pic of Kat McNamara is captioned "Hello Kitty Kat" because of a 1994 Smashing Pumpkins song - which I cannot listen to right now because for some dumb reason I never put it on the pod. Also, Harlynn had asked for song suggestions for her next hula hooping video... and I suggested "Song 2" by Blur. Another 90's favorite I can't access at the moment.

That's another problem - my music collection is old as fuck. I rarely hear new music because top 40 is garbage in the US (FOB excluded, of course), and I don't have satellite radio or Pandora. I think I've purchased an average of one CD or album download per year since graduating college.

My (wife's) niece played random selections from her iTunes library during her graduation party, and I recognized exactly four songs: "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, "Re-Education Through Labor" by Rise Against, and two Sublime songs - "Santeria" and "What I Got." Which led to a spirited sing along with myself, D's sister, and her older brother. Which led to their father openly questioning why a white man would sing reggae. Which led D's sister to jump to the defense of the late, great Brad Nowell - who has been dead for 20 years.

Which led me to feel really, really fucking old.

BTW, do y'all save CDs from artists you used to love even though you've sorta outgrown them? I ask because I have about 20 albums and singles of The Cure I rarely listen to, but I'm never getting rid of them because they were a huge part of my high school years and I'm nostalgic like that.

This track shall be played at my funeral:

That's two melancholy tracks in one post. I'm sorry if I've depressed you on a Monday morning.

Here's another one of my old favorites. It's a much, much more upbeat track. If I could play this at work I wouldn't need energy drinks ;-)


Thursday, June 23, 2016


every morning when i reluctantly roll out of bed i have two goals for the day:

  • get back to my bed as quickly and painlessly as possible
  • acquire caffinated beverages

this has not been a good week for either. 

usually i have five days of work, bookended by two 'short days' in which i dont have to take the bus/walk home, dont have to watch the girls all afternoon, and can take a nap or do something enjoyable for myself while wifey keeps an eye on the kidlets. 

this is followed by a saturday in which we usually get our errans done, and a sunday which is spent at the in-laws. 

those monday and friday and saturday afternoons are vital to my sanity. i am constantly checking the clock, killing time whenever possible in order to maximize the precious hours i have away from work. when i dont have something to break the stress, something that is my choice, or something i enjoy, i overheat. 

and this is what happens when i dont get to cool off...

saturday my four year old had gym class. which is across the street from my fave burger joint. might as well be across the moon, cause this was the last gym class of the season and the kids had a special performance that i shouldnt and couldnt miss. and the in-laws came which was fine but then somehow i missed the part where they offered to take us to lunch. which is fine. free lunch, right? except they took us to the same place we went last time...where we were cam-bushed by some snap happy papparazzo in training. 

obviously the chances of that same family being at that same restaurant again would be next to nil. and i knew that. i also knew that i was not going to get my urban burger. i was more annoyed at the fact that they wanted to go to home depot afterward. just keep dragging me to places i don't want to go without telling me first, like i'm a damn child. 

(this may seem like a stupid thing to complain about but i was kidnapped in third grade so i have issues)

we stopped at home for a minute and i attempted to check my e-mail but the wife rushed me away because she said her father was waiting in the car. then, once i got pissed about doing all this stuff for everyone else without even having a minute to breathe, we argued and shouted at each other for twenty minutes because her father was not waiting for us after all, they took the kids to their house so we could do our shopping at our own pace, and she absolutely could have let me check my e-mail first. 

but whatever. at least i got a mountain dew out of the deal.

sunday was father's day. which meant spending all day at the in-laws. there goes the weekend. again. but at least no one else was going to be there. i could hang out in the den and watch john oliver for a while. maybe pop stocked the fridge with some coke or seagram's? nope. just a pepsi and a couple of dr. peppers. yuck. (i still drank em.)  

we got home late, of course, and i had a month's worth of recycling to round up and take to the curb since our street was blocked off during the last scheduled pickup. had to use our trash can as a recycling can cause there was so much overflow. also missed the beginning of the basketball game. wish i had missed the end though. very disappointing. golden state totally choked. 

i did not get the speakers i had asked for, or anything else for father's day. however my six year old drew this for me:

this is actually the front cover of a large card she made, but i cant scan the inside

monday  my wife doesn't usually work mondays but she had to so that she could take today off (more on that later). so, after a rough weekend, i jumped straight into another stressful week of work. 

i waited for the bus, which was late every day this week due to more road excavation round the city center. after that i walked home in first day of summer heat. which is much harder than it used to be because i have put on quite a lot of weight.

after i got home, showered, and ate cereal for lunch (we're out of everything else) i let the girls empty out the closet full of their old toys, because i knew it would kill some time and i was just so glad they wanted to play with me. usually they just watch shopkins videos or (pretend to) make their own and i cant get them to cough up the tablet without a fight. 

they made a total mess of my upstairs room - my sanctuary - and it remains scattered about my floor as i type this. 

tuesday was to be an even longer day, as my wife had to attend her niece's high school graduation after work. which is why i fueled up with two monster energy drinks. and i needed every single sip. 

my boss and the receptionist (who think she's everyone's boss) were out so i was expecting an easy work day. wrong. the phone rang almost as soon as i sat down and it didn't let up for over an hour. i spent a good deal of the work day in the men's room because i think my piss poor diet has yielded some kind of bowel illness

Maybe if you didnt have the shits you coulda beat carolina and won the cup ya worthless piece of.... I'm still mad about that damn final. And it was ten years ago. 

anyway...tuesday night i had to make dinner and wifey told me to make chicken sandwiches, which i did, and i would have anyway cause i was desperately craving some kind of protein with some kind of cheese on a bun and i even found some bacon in the microwave which i was a second or two from eating but then she flipped out on me because it had been "out" all night (she made it the night before and forgot). i told her i didnt care but she threw a fit so i threw it out and i was this close to tossing my sandwich in the trash too. but that would have been a bit much. 

when she left for the graduation i told the girls we could watch a movie because my six year old said she had watched ice age at school but didn't get to finish it and once i started it she said this wasn't the one she watched at school. but i had already spent three dollars on it and i wasn't turning it off. 

she complained of stomach pains halfway through the movie, and begged me to call mommy when i knew there was no way she could answer. and of course, all our emergency contacts were also family members attending said graduation. she was okay, probably just ate too much, but i still haven't seen the end of the movie. 

and then there was wednesday. the worst fucking day by far.

on the way to work, wifey offered to stop at the store so i could get some drinks or snacks for work since she still had not had time to shop. i told her that i should try to get through one work day without energy drinks or whatever, and i didn't want to keep spending money. 

big mistake.

our bitch ass receptionist returned and was apparently overwhelmed with all the work she had to do after her four day vacation. well boo-fucking-hoo. all she does is sort papers and forward calls to poor saps like us who have to actually deal with the debtors.

at one point i had three calls right in a row, with no time in between to take notes and pass them on to an attorney. i had to put my phone on 'do not disturb' so that i could write down what every debtor called about before my broken a.d.d. brain forgot it all...

and thats when i noticed this supposedly busy receptionist walk by my office, pause at my door, then continue. five minutes later an attorney told me not to put my phone on 'do not disturb' because poor receptionist lady had a lot of work to do and it reroutes the collection calls to her. 

then how did she have time to snoop on me, huh? 

oh my god i cant wait to get out of this place. unfortunately, i dont even have time to look for a new job until at least july. which means i probably wont find one until november. if i dont have an aneurysm by then.

and because of that drama i marched over to the seven eleven first chance i got and bought ten dollars worth of food: two cans of mountain dew, an apple iced tea, a milky way brownie thing, a strawberry cream cheese danish, and a cup of mangoes cause i felt like eating healthy. naturally, the mangoes were the most expensive item. all of it was consumed within three hours, except for the mangoes and one mountain dew. had to save something for today.

i was actually going to get lunch at taco bell, but free taco day was tuesday, not wednesday, and the bus was a half hour late which took away my taco time. probably better for my bowles anyway. and so i was a half hour late coming home, without tacos, and we still didnt have any food in the house because the wife didnt have time to shop. or so i thought.

whilst watching the press conference announsing the new las vegas nhl team (name tbd) wife called on the house phone. i ran to get it since i figured it was important and tripped over the baby gate which is still screwed into the kitchen doorway despite the fact that we no longer have any babies. then she proceeds to tell me that she went grocery shopping on her lunch break (which she didn't tell me about so I was unable to place a request for food and/or mountain dew) 

but while at shop rite she apparently slipped on an open container of cherries or something and her shopping cart fell on top of her. which is awful and made me angry at the careless idiots at shop rite but she's okay. 

and later that afternoon, my six year old slipped and fell in our kitchen (i'm still not sure how or on what) and bruised her arm. of course i was getting changed in the bedroom when this was happening and my daughter yelled at me because i couldn't help right away, or i wasn't mommy, or whatever... but she called me a "worthless father" 

truer words have never been spoken.

once wifey came home and i was sure everyone was okay i went to bed. it was 7pm. i woke up around 10:30pm, briefly, and then slept some more. just to get me closer to the end of this horrible, horrible week.

all 16 comments
[–]daaraa 42 points  
It limits potential failures. It keeps you in control. It doesn't lead to threatening situations. It is a non-demanding environment.
Depression is a somatic disease and it does drain physical energy. Mental energy is also drained by depression mainly due to how thoughts intensify and resolve during intense emotional sessions. Closing your eyes and visualizing concepts helps with the energy-drain.
In object-related psychology the bed - or more accurately the place where we sleep - is associated to safety.
In cognitive psychology limiting exposure is a defense mechanism to help cope with the overwhelming.
There are many other theoretical assumptions as to why remaining in bed feels good but I think we all have an innate appreciation and understanding of this behavior.
[–]zimmii 9 points  
Currently hiding in my bed since last Friday, pretty sure I've only been awake about 20 hours since Saturday night. Yep, depression does drain you and my bed is my safe spot. I feel bad for letting life go by and things going undone, but less can attack me if I avoid the world.

this post is already long so I'll just say that today i took a nap, wrote this post, and took out the trash. tomorrow I'll have a bit of a break - the plan is to clean the mess upstairs if i acquire enough soda no one interrupts me - because saturday is the start of another shitstorm. 

last saturday was the end of my four year old's spring season at gym class. so you'd think there would be a few weeks off before the summmer season starts. nope. back to gym class this saturday. (though i might - might - be able to sneak off to urban burger) 

and since wifey's niece graduated high school on tuesday she's having a graduation party this saturday. attendance mandatory. another saturday...gone. 

as for sunday, well...its possible i wont have to go to the in-laws two days in a row. it is also a remote possibility that wifey takes the girls over there for the day and gives me the day to stay home and clean up the place, watch a little tv, maybe even write an e-mail to an old friend.

perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel 


Friday, June 17, 2016

I'm Addicted To The Way I Feel When I Think Of You

We have a new secretary at our office. The lawyer who hired me hired her, and she's very nice. But she sits right outside my office, which is both good and bad. It's good because she's talkative and friendly, and when I'm able to conquer my anxiety and talk to her it gives me an excuse to not take/make collection calls. But it's also bad because part of the reason why she's so eager to chat is because our office is too quiet and it bothers her. And that guilts me into doing my job :/

I took the day off work today, to attend my daughter's Kindergarten class for a parents-only performance. We sat in tiny metal chairs while the kids stood and sang/shouted songs they learned. It was cute. The teacher then played a seven-minute video of pictures from the school year, framed with beachy backgrounds and inspirational slogans, set to some saaaad country music that made all the moms cry. Especially my daughter's mom.

There was quite a junk food spread in the classroom. Chocolate chip cookies and Oreos and Pringles and string cheese and little mini cupcakes. And since I didn't know anybody there except one dad who I've met maybe twice, there was nothing for me to do after the show except eat. And sweat my ass off in the hot classroom. And try not to get trampled by two dozen wound-up little monsters.

I got home around 11am and took a two hour nap because I got very little sleep last night. Somewhere around 2am I got up to use the bathroom and, in my semi-conscious state, I heard an airplane fly by loud and clear. Too loud and too clear for my liking. And I was overcome with this sense of dread that the plane would crash somewhere nearby; I had a clear vision of this when I returned to my bed, complete with a blinding flash illuminating my window. Couldn't sleep much after that.

Napping has become a favorite pastime of mine. It alleviates my stress and keeps me from eating, but it has also become necessary. I often have trouble falling asleep at night, and since I'm poor (and wifey has a dismissive attitude toward prescription pills) the only thing that's helped me sleep over the past two years is clutching my pillow and dreaming of My Favorite Girl in The Whole Wide World.

But, as I mentioned here, I no longer feel the urge to follow her. And I haven't checked her page in over four months. The second greatest crush of my life is finally coming to an end. My plan to flood all my free time with sports cards and video games has succeeded. Except...

There's a lull in my sports cycle at the moment. Hockey season has mercifully ended, basketball season will end this weekend, and I'm still waiting on my two biggest sports card orders. The next seven to ten days will be slow and uneventful. I've thought about starting a second blog and posting all my random thoughts about sports and sports trading cards, but I doubt I'll follow through because I always have more ideas than time, and the sports/cards blogs I've seen never have more than one or two commenters.

And so there remains an empty space in my heart, a gentle hum that becomes a loud cry when I try to sleep. I do not know what to do about this, but I know that I can't let the emptiness consume me like it did all of last year and into this spring. I am finally better now, if only slightly. I can't go back to crushing on my old crush, and it would be practically suicidal to start a new one.

I need another hobby....

My mom wants to buy me an exercise bike because she is a lot more worried about my health than I am. This will likely be in lieu of the cash prize she originally proposed, as I cant well accept a free bike and a hundred bucks (or more). I am completely confident that, once ordered, the bike will remain in the box, unassembled, next to the flat screen TV she bought us last October. Who's got time to open and assemble things? Not i.

Father's Day is this weekend, which means I will be at the in-laws all day Sunday. How is that different from any other Sunday, you ask? Well, most Sundays I at least have the option of staying home. Can't exactly do that this time, not when my Father-in-law does so much for us. (If the TV and exercise bike are ever getting installed, he'll be the one to do it. He put together the TV cart we bought at Ikea two months ago.)

I told wifey that I don't expect to get any gifts for Father's Day, but if she's feeling generous I do need new computer speakers, so I can hear Minecraft and YouTube and Fall Out Boy.

And I really want to hear Taryn discuss vital social issues n' stuff with her alter ego:

doze legs doe

That's all I got for now. Hope y'all have a great weekend!


Sunday, June 12, 2016

Build That Wall

Every now and then a satirical news show or website will remind us all that Florida is the world's largest insane asylum (just Google "Florida Crazy People" or click here) but there comes a point when a group of people exceeds its stereotype beyond all humor. 

I woke up this morning intending to write about Christina Grimmie, the promising young singer who was killed at a meet and greet with her fans after a performance in Orlando


The shooter apparently traveled from St. Petersburg to carry out his murder plot. 

Unfortunately this has been completely overshadowed by the worst mass shooting in U.S. History, a massacre at a night club in Orlando. The suspected psychopath was living in Port St. Lucie.  

Two tragedies in the same the same city

As I write this, neither case has been fully investigated for motive so for all we know it could have been an anti-gay agenda that led this asshole to open fire at a gay night club at peak dancing hours. 

But because we're Americans, our natural knee-jerk reaction will be to politicize this tragedy and focus on the killer's ethnicity. 

Until now I have tried to be a mature, intelligent person and refrain from assuming the worst about people based on their background. But every time I give them the benefit of the doubt they murder innocent people

There's no other way to say it: Donald Trump is right. 

We need to build a wall. 

Right here.


Wednesday, June 8, 2016

humpday randomness

I wanted to write a short post so that I can stop being a selfish blogger and read/comment on other blogs. So here are a few random thoughts shaking around in my brain...

My street is currently blocked off, and half the roads in town are being paved at the same time. For the next two weeks we have to wake up to the sound of construction vehicles digging up our roads starting at 7am, we have no trash or recycling removal services because access is blocked, we have to park our vehicles at least two blocks away, and we have to leave the house fifteen minutes early because the traffic around town is insane. Oh, and this is happening during the last two weeks of school. Fun times.

I was so frazzled this morning that wifey told me to bring an umbrella because it's going to rain ...and I did not care. 

She told me to bring one yesterday and I did. There wasn't a cloud in the sky until I was halfway home. Then there was a light shower. No biggie. Today does not look good though... it's already thunderstorming, and unless it lets up in the next ninety minutes I will be screwed. And soaked. 

Y'all know about Taryn Southern? Cause I don't. I was going through my desktop folders last week when I found this picture:

It baffled me for two reasons: I could not remember saving it, and I had no idea who she is. It's not like me to save a random picture of a random girl, and so I had to do some Googling because I must know who is occupying 300kb of space in my 'random blog pics' folder. And… I still don’t know who she is. I know her name, but I could not tell you specifically what she does. (For some reason I thought she was a country singer.)

Maybe she does social media things for a living, because she has over 450,000 subscribers on YouTube, which sounds like an insane amount to me... but if vlogging and tweeting and posting selfies is your 9 to 5 then maybe it’s not so hard to accumulate a major city’s worth of followers.

It also helps to be a hot girl. 

Speaking of semi-famous young women... Shailene Woodley was on the news yesterday surrogating for Bernie Sanders. I like that she wore no makeup and gave no fucks about maintaining a 'celebrity' appearance, but she sounded so damn robotic. Everything she said was pretty much word for word what any other supporter would say, and has already said. Yawn. Tris...Hazel...whatever your name is. Just stop. It's over. Get on the winning side. We'll make room for ya ;-)

My mom has become so concerned about my health that she is now offering me money to lose weight. (A long form blog post about this is forthcoming.) She had this idea to give me $100 for every 10 pounds I lose. I told her to save her money. Not happening. But then I thought... how else am I going to afford a case of 2017 Topps Heritage baseball cards? Get a better paying job? Hahahahahaha!!!

Mom assumed I weighted about 215-220 lb, and that’s right around my previous high. I told her that sounded accurate since my pants still fit… but then I weighed myself.

238.8.!! A new personal record!!! Yeeahhh!!

I'm tempted to go to my favorite burger joint and pig out so that I can pad my stats a little. I love my mom, but I'm broke as fuck and I've had my eye on those cards for two years.

I could probably lose 50 pounds by Christmas if properly motivated. Hmmm... show me another pic of that Southern girl...

Challenge accepted!

Starting next week.