I feel like I should write a blog post without complaining about my job or my family, or wallowing in depression, or lamenting how unhealthy I've become...but sadly, that doesn't leave much to discuss.
I could try writing a flash fiction post, but all of my ideas have dried up. That, along with my rapidly declining health, seems to be a long-term effect of my year-long depression. My creativity is just...gone. Which is kind of a bummer because I had a great idea for a Young Adult novel and I would have loved to see it through.
Also, this young actress would have been perfect for my female lead -- even if my story never made it further than a YA readers/writers forum.
|Hello, Kitty Kat|
I'm not even sure if I saved a copy of the story. When my aunt died last summer, I lost a great deal of writing motivation. I knew I'd never finish it, and I thought everything I had ever written was rubbish.
Additionally, her house was like a hoarder's dream - there was so much old crap lying around it took two dumpsters, dozens of bags of trash, and my entire immediate family working long hours for two straight weeks to get rid of it all. (At one point I stumbled into her sewing room and found a stack of Time magazines - from 1990.)
I had always been a neat freak until I had my own family and lost control of my life (and my living space) but in my somewhat morbid mindset I was determined not to leave behind a mess of my things for my family to clean should something happen to me. So when I got back to Jerz I put everything I had ever written in a box and ran it all through a shredder. That included a lot of embarrassing journal entries, notes from girls I never dated (so why the heck was I saving them?) and all of my story notes, ideas, and at least two copies of a screenplay I had written a decade ago that sorta morphed into my Lighthouse story.
Maybe there's a paper copy of it left, or maybe there's a digital copy saved on a disk somewhere, I'm not sure. Whatever. I still have the important plot points stored away in my mind, along with some pics of celebrities that sorta kinda resemble my main characters...and this amazing track:
Speaking of music...I really need more music. And I need to organize my music like I organize my baseball cards. This is a much greater task than it should be. Y'all got iPhones, right? Well, I dont. I dont even have iTunes. My last computer crashed after I downloaded an iTunes update and so I still haven't downloaded it on this computer - which I've had for almost two years. All of the CD's I frequently-occasionally listen to have been uploaded, but I use Windows Media Player to play them. Except, as you know, I do not currently have speakers. And so, the only ways I can listen to music are: bring CDs into the car, or listen to my very old iPod.
I feel like an idiot using an iPod when everyone else has an iPhone, but I'd use it anyway if I had any recent music loaded onto it. Which of course I can't do without downloading iTunes (by this point you're probably saying oh just download it already!). For the past few months I've been content with listening to Fall Out Boy and Silversun Pickups for 20 minutes a day on my morning commute. But I need some variety, man.
There are songs I have on my iPod that I dont have anywhere else, and there are songs I burned to blank CDs either through downloads or borrowing CDs from my best friend (the library) that I never uploaded to my iPod. And it's frickin difficult to access any particular song at any particular time.
For instance, the above pic of Kat McNamara is captioned "Hello Kitty Kat" because of a 1994 Smashing Pumpkins song - which I cannot listen to right now because for some dumb reason I never put it on the pod. Also, Harlynn had asked for song suggestions for her next hula hooping video... and I suggested "Song 2" by Blur. Another 90's favorite I can't access at the moment.
That's another problem - my music collection is old as fuck. I rarely hear new music because top 40 is garbage in the US (FOB excluded, of course), and I don't have satellite radio or Pandora. I think I've purchased an average of one CD or album download per year since graduating college.
My (wife's) niece played random selections from her iTunes library during her graduation party, and I recognized exactly four songs: "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana, "Re-Education Through Labor" by Rise Against, and two Sublime songs - "Santeria" and "What I Got." Which led to a spirited sing along with myself, D's sister, and her older brother. Which led to their father openly questioning why a white man would sing reggae. Which led D's sister to jump to the defense of the late, great Brad Nowell - who has been dead for 20 years.
Which led me to feel really, really fucking old.
BTW, do y'all save CDs from artists you used to love even though you've sorta outgrown them? I ask because I have about 20 albums and singles of The Cure I rarely listen to, but I'm never getting rid of them because they were a huge part of my high school years and I'm nostalgic like that.
This track shall be played at my funeral:
That's two melancholy tracks in one post. I'm sorry if I've depressed you on a Monday morning.
Here's another one of my old favorites. It's a much, much more upbeat track. If I could play this at work I wouldn't need energy drinks ;-)