Friday, March 3, 2017

Not Ready

I apologize for my extended absence here. I've been distracted by sports cards, and if I hadn't been I might have gone insane. My family is falling apart. Not my marriage, (though it's as bland and hopeless as ever) but my home base in Connecticut.

My nephew is getting a divorce. For reasons I cant explain (because I don't quite understand them myself) his wife has taken their six month old baby and left. From what my mother tells me, it sounds like H has been accusing my neph of some awful shit, threatened my other neph's new girlfriend, and basically lost her mind. I think she may be manic. My wife thinks it's post-partum, but if it is, she's not getting treatment and she's taking it out on the men in her life - which I guess is better than harming the baby (though I've heard she is a dangerously incompetent mother, so...)

I don't really know all the details. I called my mother yesterday, and she told me that H ran off to New Hampshire (where she's originally from, and where she met my nephew). My neph has hired a lawyer to try to get the baby back, but they're definitely getting divorced.

I haven't talked to my mom as much as I'd like, and whenever I call she gives me horrible news. While all of that madness was happening next door, my mom realized she is going to run out of money by the end of summer.

When my aunt died, we all assumed she had a ton of money tied up in investments, accounts, and liquid assets or whatever. Turns out there isn't as much as we all thought, and being that Mom is 74 and retired, she's had to live on a lot of it already.

Also, my (late) aunt owned a small beach house that my other aunt lives in. Neither she nor my mother can afford to 'own' it since the taxes are prohibitive and ownership of such a thing would prevent them from collecting SSi or whatever. My aunt did not think of this when she left the property to my mother. Someone is going to have to take the little shack off their hands, but that leaves Aunt S with no place to live. Which is just as well, since my mom wont have a home much longer, either.

As for my happy little home... I seem to live in a germ-infested rathole. My wife had to miss work once or twice last week because her father was very sick for a couple days and couldn't watch our kids. Then I got sick for three days. No sooner did I start feeling better than my wife got a horrible stomach bug. She's finally starting to get over it, after missing two more days of work.

My illness made me worry about all kinds of things, from the clutter and dust that fills every room in the house, to the worn down bed and couch we can't afford to replace, to my failing health. I had planned to dig out the exercise bike from the closet and ask my father in law to help me assemble it.. but I spent all day Saturday in bed. How can we start to get healthy if we're always sick? Perhaps I can dig it out tomorrow, I don't know.

I need to go back home and see my family. My 7 year old had suggested a while ago that we visit Grammie in CT, and she even picked a weekend - March 25th. I told my mom about it, and she asked yesterday if we're coming. But before I could even mention it to wifey, she's already telling me that my 7 year old might have soccer practice that weekend.. and she wouldn't mind going the weekend before, but it's St. Patrick's Day and she doesn't want to deal with the drunks on the road. Sigh... can't win.

The weather has been much too warm and pleasant lately. I swear that part of the reason I was sick was because the temps in NJ suddenly reached 70F and my body couldn't adjust. I couldn't tell if I had a fever or the chills or what. I feel better now, and the weather is still sunny but not quite as warm. Maybe 50's or so. 

And lately I've been thinking of the one or two times I used to take the day off and meet up with my BFF in New York City. I'm not a big fan of NYC, but it was so refreshing to just hang out there on a spring day, with no real plan other than a museum or something. The feeling of being in a big city on a lovely spring afternoon and worrying about nothing but "where should we go next?" I miss it.

Spring is an annual reminder of all the fun things I never really had in life..and it's come much too early this year. I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready for the nice weather, the nostalgia, the reminder that I'm so painfully old.. and that I'll never get to just skip work and hang out in the city again.

And I miss Joy. I miss her sweetness, her smile, and those big brown doll eyes. Not even thinking of Taryn lately... I need someone "real" on my mind. I need to feel young and alive and healthy and happy. I need those chill California vibes. 

I need to play this song on repeat until I fall asleep.

And I need to get back to your blogs. 



  1. Divorce is never fun.. I'm just happy that when I got divorced there were no kids in the middle.

    I think the weather changes have been affecting me as well. Haven't felt like doing anything the last couple weeks. Feeling disconnected from everything, if that makes sense.

    I hope things sort out for you and your family..

  2. I hope everything works out for your nephew. One of my friends is in a similar situation with a psycho ex-wife and trying to get to see his kid. :(

  3. No wonder you are hiding away with those cards..a bit of fun and fantasy and escapism

  4. Sounds like you are having a rough time of it. Good luck and I hope things improve quickly.

  5. Nothing stays the same forever and I'm sure things will improve for you. Hang in there.

  6. Keep fighting the good fight, buddy, and just putting one foot in front of the other. Take care.

  7. Sorry to hear you're going through this rough patch. Hope things get better soon for you and your family.

    P.S. I'm not ready to give up winter either. I love "hoodie" and "electric blanket" weather.

  8. This was a glum blogpost but thanks for sharing. I guess that helps to get things in better perspective. Like we say here in England, a problem shared is a problem halved. Chin up Chris!